GRANDMA AND GRANDPA… a funny poem

Whenever grandma did the laundry

Grandpa would go to town and steal

Sometimes he just stole candy

But, one time he stole a wheel

Woman Standing Near Yellow-petaled Flower

And grandma never knew it

Grandpa was a sneaky cuss

Until the Sheriff came a callin’

Haulin’ grandpa off in cuffs

Handcuffs, Shackles, Guilty, Sentence

Now, grandma was a sly one

In her own respectful way

She loved old grandpa feircly

And she couldn’t let him stay

Locked up in a jail cell

Full of criminals and such

So, she packed up the Sawsall

And went to town in their old bus

White Orange Van Scale Model

Sneaking ’round the jailhouse

She peaked into the room

Where grandpa paced the jail cell

Red-faced a rose in bloom

She gave him a “come-hither”

And at the window did he squint

She cut those bars right out of there

And out the hole he went

Jail, Fake, Art, House Wall, Door

That was twenty years ago

We’ve never seen them since

A bank was hit that very night

And, still today it makes some wince

To think our two grandparents

Would end up on the lamb

As that apple didn’t fall too far

You’ll never guess just where I am

Landscape Photography of Trees on Shoreline

Bad Cowboy?… micro-fiction

Woman, Man, Cowboy, Love, View, Romance
Image credit

“I’m beholden to ya, Sheriff.” She said as the sheriff waxed poetic upon the drunken cowboy’s head.

“Ah, aint nothin’, maam!  Just doin’ ma job.”

“Well, sir, if ‘ins ya hadn’t dropped in when ya did, this feller may have ended up in a lot worse shape!  I’m much obliged.  Yes sir, my obliged indeed!”

“The pleasure is all mine, Miss Mae!”

“So, if you’d like to come back ’round a little later this evenin’ I can show how truly appreciative I am…”

Miss Mae turned and walked back into the brothel with her head held high.

The cowboy smiled!  “That worked out jus ya planned it, huh, boss?”

The End

SOUND OF SIRENS…(Sung to the tune of The Sound of Silence)

Hello, bank vault my old friend.

I’ve come to tumble you – again.

Because my wife spent all of my mon-ey.

And I need to get some more – you see.

But I’m old,

And my fingers ache much more

Than before.

Is that the sound – of sirens?

**************

Man, Silhouette, Businessman, Escape

In this darkened bank I roam.

I need to get out and go home.

Running down the hall towards the back door.

I need to get out just a moment more.

When my eyes were stabbed by the flashing of blue cop lights.

No, this ain’t right.

Yes, that’s the sound – of sirens.

****************

And in the darkened hall I saw.

Dancing shadows on the wall.

Then a bullhorn said that I should freeze.

Quickly, I fell down upon my knees.

And I crawled – hoping I could make my way…

Another day.

Away from sounds – of sirens.

***************

Chastising me I crawled along.

Straight into the men’s bathroom.

Where I made it back into the hole.

I dug out many, many days before.

And I fell all the way into my tunnel underground.

That’s where I found.

No more sounds – of sirens.

******************

Now, I’m gonna get away.

With the plunder from my raid.

While the cops are ah-all looking.

For me, but I am back home cooking.

*******************

And the captain of police is pacing,

And really mad…

And, oh so sad.

Amid the sound of sirens.

******************

Image Credit

BAD GUYS IN THE NIGHT… short fiction

Image result for monsters under the bed
Image Credit

When the monsters came I was not prepared.  Even my granddaughter had the right idea when she told her mommy, “When the bad guys come in the night, I will punch them!”  Yeah, I should have heeded the three-year old’s advice.

Too late!  I didn’t turn on the light when I reached under the bed and the monster got me!  So much for being brave.  My only salvation is that I screamed like a woman (not an attractive sound for a man in his mid-50’s), and my wife jumped out of bed and turned on the light.

“What the heck is going on?” she queried.  “Umm… I… umm… I thought I was being grabbed by a monster under the bed!” I managed to squeak out.  “Bad guys in the night?  Buahahahahaha!  Get in this bed and go to sleep!  I have a long day tomorrow.”

Needless to say, after a few minutes, the bed was giggling from the laughter that was unsuccessfully, under great attempts to be quelled.  You know what I mean!

No, it was not a good night for sleep!  Maybe tonight!